It's 3am on Sunday and I'm up blogging. The News Moms have been silent for a few days, in part because I worked an early-morning schedule last week that left me too tired to blog at night.
I volunteer to work that shift periodically to give this working mom a chance to spend time with my kids: pick them up from school instead of sending them to after care, ensure a good dinner and bedtime without the rush, etc. And that's actually the subject of today's post.
At a birthday party this weekend, I had a conversation with a few mommy friends about how virtually all our decisions seem to revolve around our kids: where we live (school district), what we drive, jobs and work schedules -- or whether we work at all.
Three years ago we made a cross-country move for my job. Two of the biggest deciding factors were that I'd travel less -- so more time at home -- and my parents now live nearby to help.
But how much is too much? Clearly parents should make their kids top priority. But kids also pick up on that. How do we avoid creating egocentric children who grow up believing the world revolves around them -- because in many ways, it did. (I'm not talking about spoiling kids with "stuff," but about basic life decisions all parents must make.)
And what other aspects of our lives suffer? Health? What about marriage? How you deal with it, and where do you draw the line?
When it comes to health, I think a lot of parents neglect themselves. If my kids sniffle too long or develop an unusual rash -- we're in the doctor's office. They don't miss a regular check up six-month dentist appointment -- but I'm behind on my own.
What about marriage? Do we spend too much of our free time making up for lost time with the kids? Shuttling them to lessons and soccer practice? Are spouses neglected in the process? Are we too busy to realize it until it's too late?
Parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley has an interesting take on that: "When you make a commitment to your marriage, your children will feel the difference. No, they won't suffer from neglect! They'll blossom when your marriage-and their homelife-is thriving."
Any thoughts?
News Mom T
3 comments:
Our lives are a zero sum game. What we put into our careers we take from our families. And what we give to our families is taken from our involvement in church and community. This is the challenge of balance, something that very few people are commited to acheiving. This concept of balance is perhaps my greatest challenge as a father and a professional.
I'm so bad at the career/mommy balancing.
While I like working, I hate being away from my child. And I desperately want to be a SAHM, but financially I'm unable to accomplish this. And who knows...I might not even be good at the SAHM thing anyway!
Great entry!
I think we are all faced with balancing the various facets of our lives and as a parent, it is only natural to want to put our children first. I have had it drilled into my head so often to not foget about adult time with my husband or other adults. For some reason it is hard to do at times. I think it is society and its competitive nature that puts these huge demands on us. I spend most of my days feeling like someone got slighted. In the end, we should just do what feels right.
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